Replace Judgement & Critical With LOVE & Tolerance!

We All Want to Be More Tolerant—But How?

We all long to be easygoing, loving, and accepting, yet we catch ourselves judging or criticizing—and wish we could change. Simply deciding "I'll stop" rarely works; we need practical ways forward. This has been a big area of growth for me. For years, I wasn't even fully aware of my intolerance—until I started noticing the clues. If you're like I was, recognizing it is the first loving step.

Unchecked judgment creates anger, division, and pain in our world. We all have room to grow—myself included. Here's what I've learned to shift from criticism to compassion.

Why We Become Judgmental and Critical

Judgment often starts as a virtue: self-correction to improve. But it turns into a vice when we obsess over faults—in ourselves and others. We skim past strengths (like A’s on a report card) and fixate on weaknesses, creating punishment instead of progress. We box people in with labels, halting growth. Who are we to decide someone's final worth? That's playing God—and it imprisons us too.

This harshness stems from a false belief: We can't trust ourselves to choose right without severity. Harsh self-criticism feels like motivation, but it actually blocks courage and change. Making mistakes safe fosters real growth.

We also hold others to our standards—expecting them to "get it" based on our unique experiences, education, and skills. "Why can't they just...?" signals this. Often our own standards are unrealistically high and haven't brought us deep happiness anyway. Giving ourselves slack makes it easier to extend grace to others. God's got the big picture—let Him handle perfection.

Be especially gentle with children. Correction is needed, but with respect for their agency. When my kids hesitated to share, it was my wake-up call to create safety—no judgment, just love.

Signs You're Being Judgmental or Critical

It's hard to change what we don't see. Here are honest clues I've noticed in myself and others:

• Your children echo your intolerances (they mirror what they hear and feel).  

• People feel unsafe around you—they guard themselves, fearing fault-finding.  

• Few deep, honest friendships—heart-to-heart talks are rare.  

• You feel rejected, defensive, or like you push people away (low energy feels heavy).  

• Drama and conflict follow you; you "fight" for what you want because others "don't understand."  

• Irritation at differences stems from fear that "different" means unsafe.  

• Your humor puts others down instead of lifting them up.

Judgment is surprisingly selfish—it keeps the focus on you: "What I would do," "How I see it," overextending to prove you're "helpful" or valued. It creates imbalance: feeling unappreciated despite "helping." True self-love (plugged into God's love) frees us from protecting "number one" so we can genuinely focus on others.

It also blocks success: Harsh self-judgment breeds fear of risks (you already hear the criticism if you fail). Without self-kindness, you subconsciously block love from others—even God’s blessings. It's like holding up an umbrella in the rain of abundance.

How to Replace Judgment with Love and Tolerance

1. Give yourself slack. You're a child of God—mistakes are part of learning, not proof of unworthiness.  

2. Extend the same to others. Make it safe for them to be themselves. Point out strengths; let God handle weaknesses.  

3. Focus on strengths honestly. Weaknesses remind us to be humble—leave correction to God. Your role? Love unconditionally: accept now, trust growth with His help, honor agency (even messy choices).  

4. Celebrate differences. They complement you. True acceptance starts with knowing and loving your own strengths/weaknesses.  

5. Build self-love. Release comparison fears—you're incomparable. Love yourself as God does; receive His love. Then you'll allow others to love you and see His love in them. Feel safe—choose to receive.  

6. Use inclusive, respectful speech. Ask instead of command: "Would you mind if...?" or "What do you think?" Build "us/we" thinking—check: Is this inclusive or exclusive?  

7. Avoid superlatives. Words like "always," "never," "best," "worst" exclude. Soften: "It seems to me..." or "One of the best I've seen." Inclusive language aligns with God.  

8. Assume the best. Everyone carries divine good. Ask questions to understand—trauma or pain often explains behavior. Most want to be good. (As a teacher, pretending a "naughty" child is good often helps them become it—God's got this.)

Essential Oils to Support the Shift

These oils help release judgment, foster objectivity, and open to love (inhale, apply over heart, or diffuse daily):

• Coriander:  Promotes integrity, self-honoring, and staying true to your inner wisdom.  

• Cassia: Grounds and balances, inspires emotional release, uplifts worth, and fosters peace.  

• Bergamot: Uplifts mood, eases stress, supports self-acceptance, and invites emotional clarity.  

• Geranium: Balances emotions, fosters trust, love, and compassion toward self/others.  

• Rose: Opens the heart to divine love, self-acceptance, and unconditional forgiveness.  

• Forgive: Releases anger, guilt, and negativity; promotes contentment, patience, and relief for moving forward.

Affirmations to Anchor New Beliefs

• I am equal to all of God’s children.  

• I am capable enough to learn and change.  

• There is only one of me—I am free to be me.  

• I am safe even when people are different.  

• I love and honor myself; I allow myself to be loved.  

• I respect others for who they are.  

• I give the benefit of the doubt.  

• I create safety for others, even when they mess up.

You'll know progress when you feel more vulnerable, happy, valued, and cared for.

The Beautiful Benefits of Choosing Love and Tolerance

When you choose kindness to the child of God in the mirror, miracles unfold:  

• Better health and vitality: High-vibe love attracts nourishing energy; your body repels low vibrations.  

• Deep relaxation: No need to prove yourself; perfection isn't required today.  

• Authenticity: You fall in love with your real self and share humanity freely.  

• Healthy weight and restful sleep: Relaxed cells release excess; repair happens fully.  

• Spiritual clarity: More space for purpose and wisdom—no fog from self-loathing or comparison.  

• Abundance: Time, resources, friends, creativity flow naturally when you're not blocking with judgment.

Final Thoughts: Keep Moving Toward the Light

Today, I find it easier to love and forgive myself. Daily oils, prayer, and meditation help me apply grace inward, then outward. My body and life reflect this shift—more peace, connection, maturity.

It's a progression along faith's continuum—don't despair extremes. You're not in total darkness if not fully in light; you're simply shedding layers to reveal your true self.

For years, I've prayed to love like Jesus. This path is answering that prayer—greater capacity for love every day. It's exciting!

You can too. Replace judgment with love and tolerance—one gentle choice at a time. God's light is waiting. Let's walk into it together.